What's it called again?

I overheard my idiot coworker on the phone discussing a file. He was asking about an AC unit, but was informed that it was not an AC unit, but a furnace.

"What's a furnace?"

He didn't say, what kind of furnace, he literally asked "What's a furnace?" and after some response from the person on the other line I heard him say

"Oh, so it's like a water heater?"

It still amazes me that this idiot gets paid more than I do!

Forklift for where?

My boss recently purchased a used forklift while my idiot coworker was out of the office. When a technician came by later to repair a leak my idiot coworker said

"The boss bought a forklift? Is it for his house?"

I just stared at him. Why would anyone buy a forklift for their house?

He then stated that he should learn how to drive it. I told him that the boss didn't want anyone driving it without certification. His response...

"You have to be certified? Did they say I had to get the certification?"

I told my idiot coworker that no one expected him to get certification to drive it. The truth is, neither one of my bosses want him anywhere near it because he's likely to cause damage to the building, anything in the building and perhaps himself. If only we could be so lucky.

Idiot Excuses

 My idiot coworker has a tendency to call in sick with random excuses. Sometimes it's that he has to take his cat to the vet, the cat escaped (can you blame it for wanting to get away?), or food poisoning. Those are the usual excuses. He usually calls in early, knowing that I'm there by around 7:30am and that our bosses aren't in until around 8:30.

On Friday he called in at 7:30 or so and on a rare occasion one of my bosses was in early and received the call. Apparently he had food poisoning from some Thai food. My boss obviously didn't believe it.

Oddly enough, on Monday, when he came in and I asked how he was feeling he asked why and then remembered. "Fine. All better now" he responded, as he walked in with a box of leftovers which I noticed later was Thai food.

Any more questions?

Now that my boss is back from his vacation, he has addressed the issue I mentioned in a previous post. As a result of my coworker's idiocy, one of our major buyers has retracted his bid on the merchandise and it is now questionable if he will do business with us again.

After a pathetic explanation by my idiot coworker about what he said or didn't say and a million questions that ultimately annoy my boss, my boss turns to my idiot coworker and says:

"Give me the file. I can't have you asking me a million questions. If you don't know how to handle it I'll handle it myself. You've already lost us one buyer, I can't have you losing any more."

It's called a dolly, use it!

My idiot coworker needed some help getting some things off a truck. Instead of using a dolly to move a large copier, he asks me to help him roll it out of the truck, onto the ramp, and into the warehouse.

As I'm helping pull as he pushes, in his splendid brilliance, he pushes to hard, almost topples it over on top of me and manages to run it over my foot.

I have an awesome bruise on my foot and toes now. Next time I'm going to make him use the damn dolly that I suggested in the first place.

Leave a Message after the beep

My boss has been out of town for the week. He's a workaholic and for once took an entire week off to spend spring break with his wife and daughter. I've done my best not to call him or e-mail him while he's gone so that he can actually enjoy his rare and much needed vacation.

I spent most of the day out in the field and got back to the office about 4:45. When I did, my idiot coworker starts complaining to me how he can't get a hold of our boss. I specifically told him before I left the office this morning that our boss was flying back today and should be landing around 5.

My idiot coworker proceeds to call my boss' cell phone over 10 times in the remaining 15 minutes of our office hours. The phone is going directly to voice mail and it is obvious that it is off. I've already told my idiot coworker that the phone is off and he's on a plane.

 His response is that the boss can't have been on a plane for the past 4 hours (as he dials the number again). Oh really? It takes roughly 3 plus hours to get to their vacation home and that's if your flight is direct. Include time in the plane, taxiing, etc at the airport, it makes perfect sense that the phone would be off for hours.

I'm sure when my boss gets off the plane and turns on his phone he'll see 30 missed calls. I hope he doesn't think something horrible happened. When he finds out the reason for the calls I'm sure he'll be pissed, but sadly for me, and lucky for my idiot coworker, the boss will have the entire weekend to calm down about it or forget it.

Field Work Freak Out

I was out doing field work and unfortunately needed extra help to load some stuff out. I took my idiot coworker along. Not only did I have to ride in the same car as him for 45 minutes each way, he totally freaked out in front of clients and associates in the field.

After he finished his 5 minute rant about how he didn't want to do things and that I was doing everything wrong, I told him to calm down and that I'd handle it. Everything was really fine, he just spazzes out for no reason all the time. When he left the room the client asked me if he was always that way, freaking out and being rude. I apologized for him and said yes. She told me she was sorry for me and wanted to give him a piece of her mind. Funny.

Funnier. The associates basically asked the same question with a very similar response. I really wanted to hurt him, but I can't. Instead, I told him after we left and were alone, that his behavior was unprofessional and unacceptable. Once he calmed down from getting pissed off about that, he apologized, but it was one of those that felt forced and obligatory. I don't think he understood how bad it makes him, me and our company look when he can't remain calm and troubleshoot or problem solve.