I overheard my idiot coworker on the phone discussing a file. He was asking about an AC unit, but was informed that it was not an AC unit, but a furnace.
"What's a furnace?"
He didn't say, what kind of furnace, he literally asked "What's a furnace?" and after some response from the person on the other line I heard him say
"Oh, so it's like a water heater?"
It still amazes me that this idiot gets paid more than I do!
Wednesday, April 6, 2011
Thursday, March 31, 2011
Forklift for where?
My boss recently purchased a used forklift while my idiot coworker was out of the office. When a technician came by later to repair a leak my idiot coworker said
"The boss bought a forklift? Is it for his house?"
I just stared at him. Why would anyone buy a forklift for their house?
He then stated that he should learn how to drive it. I told him that the boss didn't want anyone driving it without certification. His response...
"You have to be certified? Did they say I had to get the certification?"
I told my idiot coworker that no one expected him to get certification to drive it. The truth is, neither one of my bosses want him anywhere near it because he's likely to cause damage to the building, anything in the building and perhaps himself. If only we could be so lucky.
"The boss bought a forklift? Is it for his house?"
I just stared at him. Why would anyone buy a forklift for their house?
He then stated that he should learn how to drive it. I told him that the boss didn't want anyone driving it without certification. His response...
"You have to be certified? Did they say I had to get the certification?"
I told my idiot coworker that no one expected him to get certification to drive it. The truth is, neither one of my bosses want him anywhere near it because he's likely to cause damage to the building, anything in the building and perhaps himself. If only we could be so lucky.
Tuesday, March 29, 2011
Idiot Excuses
My idiot coworker has a tendency to call in sick with random excuses. Sometimes it's that he has to take his cat to the vet, the cat escaped (can you blame it for wanting to get away?), or food poisoning. Those are the usual excuses. He usually calls in early, knowing that I'm there by around 7:30am and that our bosses aren't in until around 8:30.
On Friday he called in at 7:30 or so and on a rare occasion one of my bosses was in early and received the call. Apparently he had food poisoning from some Thai food. My boss obviously didn't believe it.
Oddly enough, on Monday, when he came in and I asked how he was feeling he asked why and then remembered. "Fine. All better now" he responded, as he walked in with a box of leftovers which I noticed later was Thai food.
On Friday he called in at 7:30 or so and on a rare occasion one of my bosses was in early and received the call. Apparently he had food poisoning from some Thai food. My boss obviously didn't believe it.
Oddly enough, on Monday, when he came in and I asked how he was feeling he asked why and then remembered. "Fine. All better now" he responded, as he walked in with a box of leftovers which I noticed later was Thai food.
Wednesday, March 23, 2011
Any more questions?
Now that my boss is back from his vacation, he has addressed the issue I mentioned in a previous post. As a result of my coworker's idiocy, one of our major buyers has retracted his bid on the merchandise and it is now questionable if he will do business with us again.
After a pathetic explanation by my idiot coworker about what he said or didn't say and a million questions that ultimately annoy my boss, my boss turns to my idiot coworker and says:
"Give me the file. I can't have you asking me a million questions. If you don't know how to handle it I'll handle it myself. You've already lost us one buyer, I can't have you losing any more."
After a pathetic explanation by my idiot coworker about what he said or didn't say and a million questions that ultimately annoy my boss, my boss turns to my idiot coworker and says:
"Give me the file. I can't have you asking me a million questions. If you don't know how to handle it I'll handle it myself. You've already lost us one buyer, I can't have you losing any more."
It's called a dolly, use it!
My idiot coworker needed some help getting some things off a truck. Instead of using a dolly to move a large copier, he asks me to help him roll it out of the truck, onto the ramp, and into the warehouse.
As I'm helping pull as he pushes, in his splendid brilliance, he pushes to hard, almost topples it over on top of me and manages to run it over my foot.
I have an awesome bruise on my foot and toes now. Next time I'm going to make him use the damn dolly that I suggested in the first place.
As I'm helping pull as he pushes, in his splendid brilliance, he pushes to hard, almost topples it over on top of me and manages to run it over my foot.
I have an awesome bruise on my foot and toes now. Next time I'm going to make him use the damn dolly that I suggested in the first place.
Friday, March 18, 2011
Leave a Message after the beep
My boss has been out of town for the week. He's a workaholic and for once took an entire week off to spend spring break with his wife and daughter. I've done my best not to call him or e-mail him while he's gone so that he can actually enjoy his rare and much needed vacation.
I spent most of the day out in the field and got back to the office about 4:45. When I did, my idiot coworker starts complaining to me how he can't get a hold of our boss. I specifically told him before I left the office this morning that our boss was flying back today and should be landing around 5.
My idiot coworker proceeds to call my boss' cell phone over 10 times in the remaining 15 minutes of our office hours. The phone is going directly to voice mail and it is obvious that it is off. I've already told my idiot coworker that the phone is off and he's on a plane.
His response is that the boss can't have been on a plane for the past 4 hours (as he dials the number again). Oh really? It takes roughly 3 plus hours to get to their vacation home and that's if your flight is direct. Include time in the plane, taxiing, etc at the airport, it makes perfect sense that the phone would be off for hours.
I'm sure when my boss gets off the plane and turns on his phone he'll see 30 missed calls. I hope he doesn't think something horrible happened. When he finds out the reason for the calls I'm sure he'll be pissed, but sadly for me, and lucky for my idiot coworker, the boss will have the entire weekend to calm down about it or forget it.
I spent most of the day out in the field and got back to the office about 4:45. When I did, my idiot coworker starts complaining to me how he can't get a hold of our boss. I specifically told him before I left the office this morning that our boss was flying back today and should be landing around 5.
My idiot coworker proceeds to call my boss' cell phone over 10 times in the remaining 15 minutes of our office hours. The phone is going directly to voice mail and it is obvious that it is off. I've already told my idiot coworker that the phone is off and he's on a plane.
His response is that the boss can't have been on a plane for the past 4 hours (as he dials the number again). Oh really? It takes roughly 3 plus hours to get to their vacation home and that's if your flight is direct. Include time in the plane, taxiing, etc at the airport, it makes perfect sense that the phone would be off for hours.
I'm sure when my boss gets off the plane and turns on his phone he'll see 30 missed calls. I hope he doesn't think something horrible happened. When he finds out the reason for the calls I'm sure he'll be pissed, but sadly for me, and lucky for my idiot coworker, the boss will have the entire weekend to calm down about it or forget it.
Thursday, March 17, 2011
Field Work Freak Out
I was out doing field work and unfortunately needed extra help to load some stuff out. I took my idiot coworker along. Not only did I have to ride in the same car as him for 45 minutes each way, he totally freaked out in front of clients and associates in the field.
After he finished his 5 minute rant about how he didn't want to do things and that I was doing everything wrong, I told him to calm down and that I'd handle it. Everything was really fine, he just spazzes out for no reason all the time. When he left the room the client asked me if he was always that way, freaking out and being rude. I apologized for him and said yes. She told me she was sorry for me and wanted to give him a piece of her mind. Funny.
Funnier. The associates basically asked the same question with a very similar response. I really wanted to hurt him, but I can't. Instead, I told him after we left and were alone, that his behavior was unprofessional and unacceptable. Once he calmed down from getting pissed off about that, he apologized, but it was one of those that felt forced and obligatory. I don't think he understood how bad it makes him, me and our company look when he can't remain calm and troubleshoot or problem solve.
After he finished his 5 minute rant about how he didn't want to do things and that I was doing everything wrong, I told him to calm down and that I'd handle it. Everything was really fine, he just spazzes out for no reason all the time. When he left the room the client asked me if he was always that way, freaking out and being rude. I apologized for him and said yes. She told me she was sorry for me and wanted to give him a piece of her mind. Funny.
Funnier. The associates basically asked the same question with a very similar response. I really wanted to hurt him, but I can't. Instead, I told him after we left and were alone, that his behavior was unprofessional and unacceptable. Once he calmed down from getting pissed off about that, he apologized, but it was one of those that felt forced and obligatory. I don't think he understood how bad it makes him, me and our company look when he can't remain calm and troubleshoot or problem solve.
Scrolling, what a concept!
My coworker freaks out today and said that the report he was just typing is gone (and he didn't have it saved at all) and the screen turned blue. I got up to check it and he had accidentally changed the view in Microsoft Word and just needed to scroll down or change the view setting. Wow.
Again, I know everyone is not an experienced super genius with computers (and neither am I), but still. You had to ask me to help you when you could have just scrolled and figured it out? Seriously?
Again, I know everyone is not an experienced super genius with computers (and neither am I), but still. You had to ask me to help you when you could have just scrolled and figured it out? Seriously?
Thursday, March 10, 2011
Can you hear me know?
My idiot coworker has a cell phone that is paid for by our company. Technically we are all on call 24/7. However, he never seems to answer it when anyone calls. If you leave a message, he doesn't listen to it, but does eventually call back, usually hours later.
Yesterday my idiot coworker drove to Wichita Falls. My boss, who cannot see well and probably shouldn't drive anyway, is following him. At some point he cannot tell if he has lost my idiot coworker or what. His phone option for voice dialing has also disabled itself (he can't see well enough to check his contacts list). As a result he calls the office to have me call my idiot coworker to have him call my boss.
My idiot coworker doesn't answer. I proceed to call him 5 more times but after leaving 2 messages and still no answer I give in and call my boss, knowing full well a rant is coming.
"Sir, he's not answering. I've tried him quite a few times and left messages."
"He better answer his damn phone. If he doesn't start answering the F-ing phone, he's not going to have one!"
"Yes sir."
Eventually my coworker calls the office back. I answer and in the background hear my boss chewing him out about his driving and not answering the phone. It made my day. Too bad the threats are empty.
Yesterday my idiot coworker drove to Wichita Falls. My boss, who cannot see well and probably shouldn't drive anyway, is following him. At some point he cannot tell if he has lost my idiot coworker or what. His phone option for voice dialing has also disabled itself (he can't see well enough to check his contacts list). As a result he calls the office to have me call my idiot coworker to have him call my boss.
My idiot coworker doesn't answer. I proceed to call him 5 more times but after leaving 2 messages and still no answer I give in and call my boss, knowing full well a rant is coming.
"Sir, he's not answering. I've tried him quite a few times and left messages."
"He better answer his damn phone. If he doesn't start answering the F-ing phone, he's not going to have one!"
"Yes sir."
Eventually my coworker calls the office back. I answer and in the background hear my boss chewing him out about his driving and not answering the phone. It made my day. Too bad the threats are empty.
Tuesday, March 8, 2011
No brakes for idiots
My idiot coworker drives a 2005 Toyota Corolla. One day he parked it in front of the office and apparently forgot to pull the e-brake.
His car rolled out into the street and was obstructing half of the road for at least an hour or so until someone came in the office to let us know it was in the street.
How do you forget to pull the e-brake? Especially when you've been driving a standard for years?
IDIOT!
His car rolled out into the street and was obstructing half of the road for at least an hour or so until someone came in the office to let us know it was in the street.
How do you forget to pull the e-brake? Especially when you've been driving a standard for years?
IDIOT!
Monday, March 7, 2011
User Error
This morning my idiot coworker tells me that Southwest Airlines is forcing him to change his rewards number.
Huh?
He tells me he's had to change his reward number to have SW in front of it.
I went online to check for myself. The website was prompting you to provide a login user name so that you wouldn't have to remember your reward number.
It was also optional.
Huh?
He tells me he's had to change his reward number to have SW in front of it.
I went online to check for myself. The website was prompting you to provide a login user name so that you wouldn't have to remember your reward number.
It was also optional.
Friday, March 4, 2011
What time is it?
The other day my coworker asked me at 4:56pm:
"Are you staying until 5?"
Um.... "It's 4:56, what do you think?"
"Oh, ok, I guess I'll stay too."
I told him to go ahead and leave and that'd I'd lock up, so he left.
What the hell? Really? He always tries to leave early or come in late, but at that point, do you really need to check to make sure I'm going to be in the office for 4 more minutes? Jackass.
"Are you staying until 5?"
Um.... "It's 4:56, what do you think?"
"Oh, ok, I guess I'll stay too."
I told him to go ahead and leave and that'd I'd lock up, so he left.
What the hell? Really? He always tries to leave early or come in late, but at that point, do you really need to check to make sure I'm going to be in the office for 4 more minutes? Jackass.
Insert "Idiot" here.
Since I've had six years of dealing with my idiot coworker I have a backlog of complaints and stories to share. Here's a taste of what's to come.
My idiot coworker was typing a word document and asks me how to insert some information into the main text. Apparently when he types, it's writing over what is already there! Oh no!
He actually used the word "insert" so I tell him, "Hit the insert button."
"What? That's what I'm asking you. Damnit, why is it writing over everything?"
"You are in overwrite mode, hit the insert button and it will change it."
"What is overwrite mode and where is the insert button? I've never seen an insert button."
I walk back to his desk and point to the button. He finally hits it and all is well.
I don't expect everyone to know the ins and outs of Word or Excel, but we use it everyday, all day. Plus, he seems to be incapable of trying to figure out something of his own. This occurrence was actually repeated at least three times before he finally understood how to work the insert button and keep the Word document from being set to overwrite and stop asking me how to fix it all. For most, one explanation would be enough, but not for my idiot coworker.
My idiot coworker was typing a word document and asks me how to insert some information into the main text. Apparently when he types, it's writing over what is already there! Oh no!
He actually used the word "insert" so I tell him, "Hit the insert button."
"What? That's what I'm asking you. Damnit, why is it writing over everything?"
"You are in overwrite mode, hit the insert button and it will change it."
"What is overwrite mode and where is the insert button? I've never seen an insert button."
I walk back to his desk and point to the button. He finally hits it and all is well.
I don't expect everyone to know the ins and outs of Word or Excel, but we use it everyday, all day. Plus, he seems to be incapable of trying to figure out something of his own. This occurrence was actually repeated at least three times before he finally understood how to work the insert button and keep the Word document from being set to overwrite and stop asking me how to fix it all. For most, one explanation would be enough, but not for my idiot coworker.
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